Photo by Daniil Onischenko on Unsplash
Of all the things that are annoying in life, overtly positive people, or at least those who won’t even acknowledge the downsides of existence, are definitely up there in the top 5 for me.
They aren’t quite as annoying as middle lane hoggers, estate agents or the British train network. But they are definitely contenders.
Let’s talk sense about life in general for a second. And lets be REALLY honest? No pretending or papering over the problems with trite, meaningless sayings.
Most of life sucks? It is, to the most part, either dull and boring. And the parts that aren’t are then interlaced with pain, shame, embarrassment and suffering?
Deep down, we all know it?
Most of us aren’t going to be racing drivers, astronauts or pop stars. Most of us are going to live a boring 9 to 5, Monday to Friday existence, most of the time.
We play candy crush on our phones, watch a few cat videos on youtube, pick the kids up, make the toasties, take out the bins and forget to the pay the window cleaner.
We wanted to be a teacher, an artist, a skate board event organiser or a musician. We really love painting, baking cakes, wood work or writing in our spare time. We’d love to do it full time. But – it all just didn’t quite work out? There wasn’t the opportunity. Or there was but the money wasn’t enough to live on. It was too insecure.
So we settled for the basic job. The one in the office. The one in the store. We don’t really like it. But we convince ourselves it’s not so bad. The pay is 3,000 above the national average and the pension package is good. Theres free fruit in the office on Fridays? Theres a guy there who makes us laugh.
We have relatively small dreams. A holiday once a year somewhere warm. A home we call our own. Maybe a car.
It’s normal life. It’s the life most people live.
And it’s often lived against the backdrop of the most awful truths.
We’re going to suffer. We’ll get ill. We’ll get hurt, physically and emotionally. We’ll get to watch those around us die, most likely including our family. And eventually we’ll die too. And it’ll most likely be a grey, boring death? Heart attack. Thyroid cancer. Dementia.
Within 100 years, it’s likely nobody remembers our name. Within 1,000 years, humanity probably doesn’t exist at all. It doesn’t matter to the universe? We are the most microscopic and pointless thing against it’s potentially infinate background. It is, all, entirely and utterly meaningless.
And you know what, to acknowledge all this is…. Ok ? It’s ok to not enjoy life. Or rather, it’s totally normal to contemplate and feel this way?
There. I said it.
But it’s true? You don’t HAVE to enjoy it. If you can, that’s great. But you don’t HAVE to. You just have to get through it?
It’s ok to enjoy moments and parts of it. And thats the secret sauce, to find distraction. But to overall accept that it’s all a bit shit is ok.
Actually, it’s more than ok. It’s – healthy?
It’s the first noble truth of Buddism. To recognise suffering exists and it’s going to happen to you. And happen to you regularly.
Because by realising that it’s all sad, meaningless and bleak and pointless – we can stop somewhat worrying about it? We can find ways of distracting ourselves from it all and we can get through it?
We can also stop worrying that we aren’t enough? That we aren’t “successful”? We can learn to accept what we have and what we’ve got. That this is what it is and we aren’t “less than” because we don’t live up to some amazing image of “success” that someone else paints for us?
Sometimes its just nice to express its all a bit shit and pointless and that you don’t enjoy it?
And more over, to share it and express it with other people- makes us realise we aren’t alone? We are all suffering the same shit. We are all marching towards the same inevitable ending.
But the positive people? Well, they don’t want any talk like this at all.
They’ll jolly you along at every possibility. They’ll act like they genuinely don’t know what you are talking about. Or that they are somehow better than you or that you are “doing it wrong.” They’ll look down on you.
And they’ll do it with their smugness and their trite and half baked (sometimes religious) empty statements.
It’s annoying. I wish they’d fuck right off.
Perhaps the worst of their ilk though, are the ones who want to convince you, that if you contemplate the shitness of life and are a bit turned off by it you must automatically have something wrong with you? Something that needs fixing.
They’ll tell you that you have “Passive Suicidal Ideation” or some kind of other fancy term. Some of them will then tell you that only they can “fix” you ,if you are willing to pay £100 an hour for their time, or if you’ll just buy their book or sign up for their substack or podcast. Or at least just click like and subscribe?
I’m talking about people like this guy – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHi726FuClM
Grifters who want to sell something or make a quick buck from not very much.
And I’m not saying that depression isn’t a real thing or that mental health isn’t a topic.
But I am saying, I disagree with his drivel from 2:26 – 6:00. And I wish he’d fuck right off as well. He’s not helping anyone with that. He’s just making people feel even worse about feeling bad. Of course, because, then they’ll buy his shitty book on Amazon?
I’ve linked his video here but please don’t waste any time on him.
If you are looking for an absolutely beautiful summation of what I’m talking about, The School of Life has these amazing two which perfectly and eloquently point to what I’m talking about and which might make you feel a little better if you have to deal with the “positive ones” regularly but wish they’d just fuck right off too.