Category Capitalism

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I dislike the term “manosphere.”

It’s used, most commonly, as a derogative term, often by those with an agenda or by those in the uninformed mainstream as a mechanism to quickly round together and write off ANY discussion about gender roles/rights for men which may diverge from narrative (I’ll come to what I mean by narrative in a moment).

It’s a neat, somewhat patronising term, that lets it’s users associate anybody having any sort of conversation about men as all the being the same.

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Before I get started, I should once again issue my usual disclaimer.

I am not a psychologist. I don’t have qualifications in psychology, sociology or therapy of any sort. What I do have is a bit of experience, a lot of observation and a degree of self analysis. So everything I write here once again is just my opinion.

Finding detailed academic writing and research on this topic is hard to do it seems, so, here I am as a layperson to just give my views. I would imagine someone with a proper background in the topic would probably laugh at my opinions expressed here – there are probably much better and well documented explanations for the things I’m describing.

In summary, use what I’m writing here as an interesting opinion or entertainment. Take it with a pinch of salt though!

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How can one crave enslavement – yet at the same time, want to be entirely free from it?

There’s a crack in the middle of my personality and my psyche that I’ve become very much aware of in the last 4 years.

It’s a chasm, or a deep valley, with two, seemingly diametrically opposing sides.

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A dude I knew from college wanted to go for a drink with me in November last year.

Lets call him “Mike”

I’ve known Mike for the best part of 26 years I think. We went to many of the same classes at college and stayed in touch on and off over the years since. I went to his wedding about 20 years ago and spent a bit of time with him on the train in the years since in and out of London as we both ended up getting jobs there.

I’m not into “destiny” and that sort of hocus pocus, I’m a stuck in the mud sceptic. But if I were into all that stuff, I’d definitely tell you, the universe just seemingly kept pushing us back together one way or another.

I never proactively set out to be his “friend” as such. Actually there’s multiple things about him that annoy me a bit and many areas we don’t see eye to eye. Plus, I’m not really much of a “friends” person.

However, that’s another related story for another day.

For now, let’s just say, he’s one of three people I’d say are probably “a friend.”

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As I wrote about in my series, Changing Gender Roles for men , when I was younger, what men and women were supposed to be/do was very clear.

Over the years and through a number of discussions with people, I’ve come to believe you can boil these down into “outcomes statements.”

I use them as high level summaries for “our traditional gender roles.”

They go like this..

Women are objectified nurturers

Men are disposable providers

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I recently watched “Is AI dangerous for men?” by Villain Retro (@VillainRetro) (re titled since to “The dark reality of AI companions”) on YouTube and found it to be a well made, interesting and thought provoking video.

I’ve not yet written much here about AI, partly because of time but also because my knowledge in this area isn’t amazing.

“Well that’s never stopped you before!” I hear you cry!

In truth though, it is something I think about on and off a lot, often in relation to the future of gender relations but also capitalism and society in general.

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Whilst shame is a naturally occurring emotion (perhaps playing some role in keeping groups/societies cohesive) there’s no doubt that what we feel shame about is learned.

Shame and its close cousins, guilt and embarrassment, can also be devastating.

As I’ve explained in this blog before, I carry a lot of shame about my sexuality and about being kinky. I was thinking a lot the other day about where I got that shame from.

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I rarely ever dream. But on the rare occasions I do, my dreams are often deeply surreal, disturbingly violent or just very unusual.

I usually don’t remember them. But one night last week, I had a dream which felt very profoud.

It went like this….

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My ex-colleague Trevor calls me up on Signal.

Trevor is 26 and in his first long term, “live together” relationship with his girlfriend.

I’m 42 and in my second long term, “live together” relationship with my girlfriend.

Even though Trevor and I no longer work together, we’ve stayed in touch and have developed a sort of, weird, pseudo-father-son relationship, mostly centered around music (he’s a superb piano player and understands music at the same “feelings-not-science” level I do), politics and military weapons. We also gossip a lot about our old work place (he still works there). We are, basically friends.

After asking me about what I did at the weekend and a conversation about hobbies, he asked how I “protect my own time.”

He rarely talks about very personal matters, but for once, he seems very open about it. Almost like hes a bit….upset or desperate.

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Of all the things that are annoying in life, overtly positive people, or at least those who won’t even acknowledge the downsides of existence, are definitely up there in the top 5 for me.

They aren’t quite as annoying as middle lane hoggers, estate agents or the British train network. But they are definitely contenders.

Let’s talk sense about life in general for a second. And lets be REALLY honest? No pretending or papering over the problems with trite, meaningless sayings.

Most of life sucks? It is, to the most part, either dull and boring. And the parts that aren’t are then interlaced with pain, shame, embarrassment and suffering?

Deep down, we all know it?