You are not what you eat

Photo by Ollie Jordan on Unsplash

The weekend just gone, I was out and about in a local town and went to the chippy for lunch.

For non-Brits who don’t know, a chippy (or a chip shop) is a classic British food takeaway outlet.

These are the places that serve the traditional, mythical dish of fish and chips. But they also do a good line in other foods too. I had battered sausage, chips and gravy for example.

This one would be considered a “posh” one. Again for the non-brits this means, upmarket. Fancy.

Most chippies are only take away venues but this one had a small seating area on the side. And very nice it was too.

Why am I telling you this? As usual, there’s a bigger picture to my story. Let me unpack.

How to fly a findom plane:- Instadommes, money, health and safety.

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Scrolling Twitter recently I came across a rather interesting blog post which a mutual follow was commenting on.

The blog is “It’s more fun in your 30’s” by Kelly Jackson (@Kelly_Jackson88) and can be found at

I should start by owning up, this is not the sort of blog (nor Twitter user) I’d normally be interested in reading/following.

It appears to be the usual diet of recipes, restaurant reviews, reality TV and some personal journey/life improvement stuff.

As with most blogs like this, the majority of the content is acting as a thin veneer for money making from product placement and getting free tickets for Alton Towers (or something of the like? I think this is the influencer/blog game?)

And fair enough? It’s 2023 and this is what people do? It’s not like my blog is any more interesting! And to be fair, I don’t really think it was intended for my demographic.

So why am I talking about it?

Voices of Twitter Findom : Tom

Photo by Stefan Spassov on Unsplash

Interview was conducted over Direct Messages on Twitter on 19th February 2023.

“Tom” is a pseudonym used for anonymity reasons


SexualityPredominantly straight
GendersI’m a male but I have genderfluid and non binary traits which are sometimes very strong and sometimes less so depending on what’s going on in my life
Your locationUK
Income grouping£25k after tax
Highest level of educationDegree BSC
Married/relationships status?Cohabiting
Single parent or two?Two
General political standing or voting intention?Lefty socialist

Voices of Twitter Findom : GoonGoddessLuna

Photo by Stefan Spassov on Unsplash

Interview was conducted over Direct Messages on Twitter on 19th February 2023

@GoonGoddessLuna is a catfish user (a male who presents and acts as a dominant female) and presented as a sub when the interview was conducted. His account has since been deactivated.


Sexualitystraight (Tbh so many dommes tried to alter it😅😅 but I prefer myself to be straight)
Your locationIndia
Income grouping10 to 12Lakhs (approximately 14,000-15,000 USD)
Highest level of educationBachelor’s degree
Married/relationships status?single right now (broke up recently)
Single parent or two?Two
General political standing or voting intention?Right to the core!

Voices of Twitter Findom : Tyler

Photo by Stefan Spassov on Unsplash

Interview was conducted over Direct Messages on Twitter on 18th February 2023.


Gender(s) identificationMale
LocationMassachusetts. US
Income grouping$100k-$200k
Highest level of education2 degrees
Married/relationships status?Single
Single parent or two?My father died when I was 16
General political standing or voting intention?Center, more libertarian leaning these days. I hate “the left” and “the right”
Would you define yourself as a kinky person?yes

The Unmentionables

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

I write sitting on the balcony of a luxury hotel room in St Lucia.

It’s exactly the cliché picture you’d expect.

A stunning view to the ocean in front of me, multiple swimming pools, palm trees and a set of immaculately maintained gardens. Behind that, white sandstone buildings that form the rest of the 4 star, all inclusive resort I’m in.

It’s 28 degrees, bright sunshine with a light breeze coming in from the sea.

Shortly, I’ll go for an ice cream. After that? Maybe take a nap. Then sometime around 7:30pm, I’ll go for a steak in whatever restaurant the concierge booked my partner and I into tonight.

If this sounds like absolute paradise and luxury to you, you aren’t alone. And I’ll admit, it is.

And neither is it lost on my how bloody lucky I am to be here.

Of course, I’ve made my choices, I’ve made sacrifices and I’ve worked hard for what I have. But I know I’m lucky enough to be able to afford this and all the things that transpired to make that the case.

And it’s partly this that’s going to make what I write next sound so awful.

The brutally honest fact is, I’m not really having a great time?

The Trouble With Findom Twitter – Conclusions

Photo by Katie Harp on Unsplash

Index of parts in this series of essays are here :-

Part 1 – What and Why?Part 1. What is Findom on Twitter and what draws some people to it?
Part 2 – How I arrived herePart 2. My own experience within Findom Twitter
Part 3 – Who?Part 3. How being unable to clearly identify who is who leads to ethical and legal problems
Part 4 – MisandryPart 4. Misandry and the hatred towards men in the community
Part 5 – Reverting gender rolesPart 5. How Findom pushes men and women back into traditional gender roles.
Part 6 – Addiction and DepressionPart 6. How Findom Twitter leads to mental health issues, particular addiction and depression and how this has become a normal part of the community.

As I’ve explored over these essays, findom/femdom Twitter has significant issues with safety and security for its participants – both mentally and potentially physically.

The Trouble with Twitter Findom – Part 6 – Addiction and Depression

Photo by Katie Harp on Unsplash

If you do spend any time browsing Findom Twitter, another issue you will rapidly come across is that of addiction. Also depression and general mental health problems.

It seems addiction has become a kink in its own right within “the community” and it doesn’t take long for you to find the Tweets relating to it.

As odd as it may sound to an outsider (how can giving money away become an addiction!?) it IS possible that both men and women become addicted to Findom Twitter both in the act of giving and receiving money (and associated sexual behaviors).

Indeed, scratch the surface and start talking to people and you will find a rich vein of those for whom addiction to findom has become a problem in their life. Causing relationship breakdowns, poverty and depression.

It’s an extremely complicated area of course, but addiction and depression I believe are the BIGGEST issue with findom Twitter.

I’ll explore individual stories more later in interviews. But for now, I will spend some time exploring how I believe the problems work from a theory perspective.

“Its ok if it’s with men..”

Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona on Unsplash

I’m sat in a restaurant. There are about 8 people in total including my (female) partner – because its her birthday.

The table has somewhat divided itself into two conversations because of the size. I’m one of only two men but the other is in the conversation at the bottom end of the table. The rest of the people are an assortment of my partners friends, colleagues, family and ex-colleagues – all female.

We’re waiting for desserts and coffee. The conversation has meandered around as usual. Holidays, food, work, weather, birthdays. All the usual things.

The topic turns to Netflix series. I tell everyone we recently watched the Jeffery Dahmer drama series there and that I had enjoyed it.

Just can’t escape the hate

Photo by Stefan Spassov on Unsplash

It’s international mens day 2022. I’ve made a donation to a team doing Movember and rather than sit at home reading the constant deluge of negativity the day brings towards men (me) on social media, I’ve decided to have a complete day off of the internet entirely.

Instead I’m in London and I’m sat in a sports bar with a couple of people – effectively family. On one TV (the one I’m watching) is the Formula 1 qualifying event from Abu Dhabi. The other is showing the rugby , Scotland vs Argentina from Murryfield.

As I’m finishing my first pint of Amstel, I’m feeling good that I avoided the internet today. I didn’t feel up to the misandry that accompanies every international mens day each year usually :-

and so I’m pleased to be sat here, enjoying motorsport and beer away from the hatred.

But it turns out I’m not away from it for long.