All posts by Umberto David Panda

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It’s very frequent in the Findom Twitter space (and online adult services space more widely) to hear of problems with payments. People often find their Cashapp accounts closed, Paypal accounts suspended or their card company blocking their transactions.

In some extreme cases, (like the recent suspension of Tributify by Stripe for example) entire websites can have their services withheld, cancelled or closed by their payment acquirers/processes with very little notice or reason as to why.

Quite often, I see people extremely upset about such cases. Its understandable. But often, they believe there are reasons for such events that might not be quite true in my experience.

Having worked in the electronic payments space for over 17 years (in cards and banking payments), I quite often have been “in the room” or around the people who make such decisions. What it often comes down to is a very cold decision about risk vs money. Getting that balance right yields great profits. Getting it wrong brings disaster.

Let me try and explain and show you what I mean with a little bit of a story , with you as the protagonist.

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A few weeks back someone asked me what my most unpopular opinion was.

I took a hop, skip and jump over gender politics and feminism (the person asking was female) and landed at my second choice. It’s something you probably aren’t expecting.

I think private dog ownership (for non-working dogs) should be made illegal in the United Kingdom.

Got that immediate, twisted feeling in your stomach like you don’t agree?

Having rolled out this view a few times in the past in different places (plus my supporting arguments, which you can read below) I know how upset people get about this topic. It’s as if little wet noses, wagging tails and puppy dog eyes mean people are unable to see sense?

But sense I think must be seen if we are to prevent what is one of the biggest and growing public health problems in modern history.

So here I will set out the main reasons I think private dog ownership should be banned. I will then tackle a group of the most common arguments people have with me. And finally I will follow up with a compromise position that I believe may be possible for us to achieve.

I do ask you read it all with as much of an open mind as possible. And please read what I do say and also take a careful note of what I do NOT say.

Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona on Unsplash

Ah feminism. This is a difficult subject to write about for three reasons.

Firstly, it’s an extremely divisive and emotive topic? Conversations about it often provoke the worst reaction in people, especially women (I don’t talk to women about feminism or gender politics in general as a rule since about 2019 because of this sensitivity and the terrible interactions I’ve had). I’m in no doubt the mere title of this article appearing on my posts on “X” is going to cause some blocks and unfollows from people. It’s the forbidden conversation fruit unless you are saying EXACTLY what someone wants to hear.

Weirdly, as I was about 85% through writing this article, a perfect example of this presented itself on X. I commented on a post (from an account I don’t follow) which was labeling the concept of patriarchy as a theory and as a “luxury belief.” I was agreeing mostly with their sentiment (more later in this article).

It immediately triggered the reaction I’m talking about from one of my followers :-

Photo by Alex Kotliarskyi on Unsplash

When I was 24, I was subjected to ongoing sexual harassment, both physical and verbal in the work place by a woman. I’ve never spoken about this with anyone or written about it until today.

It wasn’t the first time it had happened in my life though.

I can remember being about 21 or 22 (so around 2003-2004) and being touched inappropriately by a lady called Angie at work. She was a good 25 years older than me at least and she was married with a family.

She regularly called me “sweetheart” , “darling” and “sexy.” On one occasion, she asked me in front of other people – “what would you say if I asked you for sex right now?”

On another occasion I had gone to her office on a support call (I worked in technical support) and she had grabbed my hips, made me sit on her knee and put her hands up my shirt. I remember her saying “oh what’s up here? This feels nice” before I managed to stand up and move away from her. There were two other women in the office. They laughed. I did too and just ignored it. But I didn’t like it and I didn’t feel good. I’ve never forgotten it.

Around the same age, at the same workplace, there was also Carol, who again, was older than me, by a good 30 years I’d say. I left my phone by mistake in her office and she recorded a voice message on it for to tell me that “momma wants some loving” and some other sexually suggestive comments.

But these paled into insignificance compared with what happened with Sue.

Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash

I shouldn’t really be surprised perhaps at how negative, miserable and badly thought out peoples comments on Twitter (AKA “X” as it is now known) can be. It really is the ultimate cesspit of human stupidity, half baked ideas and opinions with little to no backing. More over, trolls, pranksters and “men who just want to watch the world burn.”

But occasionally, I’ll admit it still does surprise me how nuts it can get.

For some reason, last week, on Wednesday/Thursday (14^th Sept 2023) there was a sudden flurry of upset about a video clip of a song by the BBC. The clip that caused the sudden outpouring of anger was from the BBC’s Horrible Histories show, an educational series for children about history, which often uses jokes, comedy and songs to explain history and historical events.

Photo by Maria Vlasova on Unsplash

In “Findom Twitter – Doing it healthy for submissives” I wrote up some suggestions for those playing the submissive role in findom twitter on how they could act/interact and ways they could behave/think to try and keep themselves as healthy as possible.

I always felt like I should write a similar piece for the other side of “the game” but found it very difficult. Partly because I don’t really know the Domme side as well and it’s hard to for me to give “health” advice there. But also, for the longest time, I held off writing a post like this for two main reasons.

Firstly, I’ve always believed that any man offering to give “training” of any sort in twitter findom (or more widely, sex work in general) is probably going to end up giving corrupt teachings. Even well meant advice can become easily tainted with fetish and fantasy, even when we don’t mean to. What I’m aiming to do here is really not train or teach anyone anything then. But merely to give some suggestions that might make your life/everyone’s better from experiencing interaction as a submissive.

But honestly, take them with a pinch of salt, this is a lot of anecdote and opinion. I’m FAR from an expert!

Secondly, I don’t want anything I write to be taken as encouragement to be involved in Findom twitter. I’m not really trying to give you tips here on how to So…that’s the first thing I want you to know!

– don’t do/get involved in findom. It’s unhealthy. Go do something else.

Ok… that disclaimer given, I’m guessing you maybe are going to ignore that? If so, then read on…

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As I’ve gotten older, a couple of things have happened to me

1) my sex life with my long term partner has mostly stopped

2) the constant drip feed of radical feminism in the media and day to day life has some what gotten under my skin.

I’m at a place where I feel incredibly ashamed of my sexuality. I wish it would go away and have been looking for medical interventions which might help with this (unsuccessfully I should add).

Here I try to write out how I think in my head sometimes and just how negative I feel about it.
These thoughts are not logical or rational but they are the types of monsters I have to fight in my mind , sometimes daily. It doesn’t help that my mind sexualises this shame in itself and it becomes a vicious cycle of negativity.

I think I’m supposed to include a trigger warning here. This writing is very bleak and negative and deals with self hatred and suicide.

This might seem shocking to some. But I write this in case it helps someone else somehow. If you ever feel like this, you aren’t alone.

Photo by Yeshi Kangrang on Unsplash

When I was 16, I remember my history teacher had a sign in her class which read

“Change does not always result in progress being made”

It was in massive black on white letters next to the door as you came in and was intended to remind everyone when they were writing about history, not to always assume that something was happening for the best or in the name of progress and improvement overall. Change sometimes just is. Not because.

In contrast to the colours of the sign, history (and the world in general) was not black and white. We needed to remember this.

This stayed with me all my life and has been a really useful phrase for all sorts of things. It essentially calls out, the myth of progress in some respects.

For, every time humanity makes a “leap forward” in some area, it subsequently often invents a number of problems in another.

Photo by Katie Harp on Unsplash

I’ve resisted writing this essay for a while, not just because it’s a tricky subject to cover but also because I fear my writing may be misconstrued or misused.

So the very first thing I must do, is state very clearly, I do not recommend anyone tries findom.

This goes for both men, woman (and those undecided/in between). It’s the same recommendation also as well for those who want to play the dominant and submissive role. Just avoid it.

My position has not changed. I still believe findom is a corrosive, negative and potentially dangerous practice, especially as it is carried out on Twitter.

If you want to know much more about why, you can take a look at my series “the trouble with findom twitter” here – https://tragictruthblog.com/?p=888

Nothing in what I’m going to write here should be interpreted any other way other than as a stone cold recommendation to not get involved. If I could end every piece of advice with the words “…but still don’t do it”, I would. I won’t though, because that might make for quite boring reading!

So I’ll write it here instead, When it comes to findom, avoid it. Express your kinks and sexual interests other ways via other outlets.

All of that said, I know that no matter what I say, there are still a large number of you crazy perverts out there who will disregard my advice and go try it anyway! I tried it too. So I see you guys 😉 !

Just like other prohibited and dangerous things (drugs, alcohol or gambling) , the draw of the unknown and the risk is exciting. People get curious and they want to try. I know. I’ve been there. I get it.

If you are one of these people, this one is for you. You’ve maybe already tried findom or are about to for the first time. If so, you need to know the facts and how to do it in as healthy way as possible.
I did findom for over two years on twitter as a sub, so, here is what I would recommend to you.

Again, for one last time, please don’t! But the last warning given, here are my top tips on how to do it as safely as possible as a sub.

Photo by Maria Vlasova on Unsplash

I got into a small debate recently online with a female supremacy fetishist and learned an awful lot from it.

It was a somewhat unusual interaction over Twitter. Two submissive straight men, not engaging in catfish or other directly sexualised chat but instead actually getting into a fairly deep debate about the philosophy of submissiveness, service to women and gender politics.

Well, to be completely and totally honest, we did talk for a very short time about how awesome it would be to lick Taylor Swifts boots clean – but genuinely that only accounted for about 5 minutes. The rest was a lot more, productive, shall we say.

Despite the disagreement, the debate was well natured and intentioned and I enjoyed it. Not because my mind was changed but because I learned more about the underpinnings of this fetish.

These types of chats are rare and I wish they happened between men more.

How we arrived at the conversation is a long story.